


Outta Your Goddamn Mind

by allonsy_gabriel, Sanna_Black_Slytherin



Series: History Obliterates (the Hamilton Reincarnation AU No One Wanted) [13]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurricane Alexander, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm looking at you, ITS SO STRONG, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, James is worried, M/M, Panic Attacks, Roasting, THE SASS, The Author Regrets Nothing, Thomas Jefferson Bashing, Twitter, or one of us did, ring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 15:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11382807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsy_gabriel/pseuds/allonsy_gabriel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanna_Black_Slytherin/pseuds/Sanna_Black_Slytherin
Summary: “These assholes! They keep using fucking--fucking Jefferson to defend their inane arguments, which shouldn’t have been made in the first place! It’s just… frustrating!”“I mean, no offense, but you--he, sorry--was kinda a huge asshole, and all that is a little bit… predictable,” Alexander pointed out. “It’s not as if it’s hard to use his quotes to defend--”“I’m aware, Alex!”Or, Not Even Thomas Jefferson Likes Thomas Jefferson





	Outta Your Goddamn Mind

**Author's Note:**

> I got angry, I needed to rant, and then this happened.
> 
> Thanks to the Ruler of the Fanfiction Twitter Exchange for working with me on this. I knew I could count on you to Roast Thomas Jefferson with me.
> 
> Look, I know it's not the wedding thing or the fourth of July thing, but it's Something.

“James!” Parker shouted as he threw open the door to James’ room, barging in and falling down on the bed.

 

James, for his part, just rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. “What’s wrong, sunshine?” he asked as he turned the page of his book.

 

“If one more bigoted, xenophobic, ignorant asshat uses _him_ to defend their fucked-up ideology, I’m going to come out for the sole purpose of laying them to fucking waste!” Parker yelled, gesturing wildly.

 

James closed his book. “What happened?” he asked seriously.

 

“Look!” Parker shouted, shoving his phone in James’ face. James did, in fact, look. There were a series of tweets, each quoting Thomas Jefferson to back up things like loose gun control, anti-immigrant sentiments, sexism, minimal government, low taxes for the rich, and racism.

 

James understood Parker’s anger. “Well,” he said, “I’ve never read so much bullshit in one sitting, which is saying something.”

 

“I know! It just--it pisses me off!” Parker said before yelling into James’ pillow. “Why do people keep bringing him up? That was fucking ages ago!”

 

“Uh, dunno if you’ve forgotten this little tidbit, but he was _pretty important_ to this country,” James replied, running his fingers through Parker’s curls.

 

“Don’t fucking remind me,” Parker mumbled.

 

“Are you going to do something about this?” James asked.

 

“I don’t _know_ ,” Parker muttered, obviously distraught.

 

“Until you figure it out, wanna read this book to me? My eyes are tired,” James said with a grin.

 

“Fine,” Parker pretended to be exasperated, before taking the book.

OoOoO

“Okay! That’s it! That’s fucking enough!” Parker yelled, causing Alex to look up from the chips and guacamole he was devouring.

 

“What’s up?” he asked.

 

“These assholes! They keep using fucking--fucking _Jefferson_ to defend their inane arguments, which _shouldn’t have been made in the first place_! It’s just… frustrating!”

 

“I mean, no offense, but you--he, sorry--was kinda a huge asshole, and all that is a little bit… predictable,” Alexander pointed out. “It’s not as if it’s hard to use his quotes to defend--”

 

“ _I’m aware, Alex_!” Parker snapped.

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

“So what are you gonna do about it?” Alex asked curiously.

 

“I… I’m going to fucking _destroy_ them,” Parker said with a sense of finality.

 

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Who is ‘them’?”

 

“Every last one of them.”

 

“That clears up exactly _nothing_ ,” Alex snorted, “but if we’re Jefferson bashing, count me _the fuck_ in.”

 

Parker smirked. "I knew if anyone would help me demolish _him_ , it'd be you.”

 

“So,” Alex said with a shit-eating grin, “when do we begin?”

OoOoO

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

I’ve noticed a disturbing amount of bullshit regarding third president and asshole in chief, Thomas Jefferson

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

Apparently you idiots seem to think using him to back up your bullshit ideas is a good idea

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

My friend @hasneverchilled and I are about to explain precisely why that is a Bad Idea

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

Let’s begin. You base your argument on the authority of Thomas Jefferson, so let’s start with that.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

First off, this is already bullshit because Jefferson was hot garbage and not someone you should use as a role model for various reasons.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

We aren’t going to go into specifics regarding every one of Jefferson’s fuck-ups here.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

If you want the long version, open a goddamn textbook. (Or, you know, ask @hasneverchilled )

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

I’ll GLADLY explain them to you, but I’ve been told that I write too much, so feel free to stop me anytime. Just kidding. I Won’t Stop.

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

Back to the argument, you can’t just use ‘this is right because Jefferson said so’. What kind of argument is that?

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

Your argument is Super Fucking Weak if that’s the only support you have for it. When you revert to name-dropping, you know you’ve lost.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

Third off, Jefferson was a fucking hypocrite who went against his own professed views. Again, not the right role model for any kind of argument.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

Fourth off, that was 250yrs ago. Why the fuck do you keep bringing it up?

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

Yes, it’s true that this person helped create our country, but we’ve progressed as a society since then.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

You don’t see children running around fields helping their parents out in gathering the crops instead of going to school.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

Times change-- that’s the whole POINT of progress.

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

Jefferson might have been right 250yrs ago--and I’m definitely not saying he was, but I’m not going to be able to convince you of it.

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

But Jefferson couldn’t have foreseen what our society would have become. Why should his outdated views still matter?

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

It’s time to move past close-minded principles like the ones you’re advocating because they serve no fucking use.

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

It might be hard for you to understand, but going back 250yrs would be useless and an insult to everything people have accomplished since then.

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchilled

Now, as for your asinine argument, I honestly couldn’t decide which part of it was the dumbest, so I’m going to start alphabetically.

OoOoO

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” James asked as he looked over the tweets. “Isn’t discussing _him_ this much going to be, uh, bad? For you? Mentally and stuff?”

 

Parker shrugged. “This is actually really therapeutic. And fun,” he said lightly.

 

“If you’re sure…” James trailed off skeptically. “I’m just worried this is going to come back and bite you in the ass.”

 

“I’ll be careful, Jemmy. I promise,” Parker reassured, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek. “I’m not Alexander.”

 

“I’d never date Alexander,” Jemmy agreed, ignoring an indignant ‘hey!’ coming from behind them.

OoOoO

 _Hunter Jackson_ @fightingcocks

@MacAndMemes @hasneverchilled what do you know about Thomas Jefferson? Pansy ass liberals.

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchiled

@fightingcocks Well, given my 'background', I'd say I know a lot.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks What do I know about Thomas fucking Jefferson? Let’s see…

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks Born April 13th, 1743 to Peter Jefferson and Jane Randolph Jefferson, he was the oldest of ten children

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks His father was a plantation owner in Virginia, and he owned about 200 slaves.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks He attended the College of William and Mary--though his future friend James Madison did not, due to his poor health.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks He was Governor of Virginia til he got the capital captured by the British and his wife died, then he fucked off to France

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks The capture thing happened cuz Jefferson didn’t do anything about the obvious reports of the British until it was Too Late.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks He helped the Marquis de Lafayette draft the French version of the Declaration of Independence.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks He glorified the French Revolution, not having experienced the consequences of violence first-hand.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks Tried to get U.S. involved. Failed.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks He was literally the reason we have a split country and if that doesn’t tell you anything, I don’t know what will.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks He was also America’s worst Secretary of State, constantly undermining George Washington’s presidency.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks He literally started the War of 1812 and then left his best friend to deal with it

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks In short, he fucked up everything and yet wrote himself as the hero in this story. We are simply proof-reading history.

 

 _Hunter Jackson_ @fightingcocks

@MacAndMemes Those are googlable facts. They don’t prove anything. Also, he lowered the national debt from $80mil to $57mil @hasneverchilled

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchiled

@fightingcocks By getting rid of, like, most of the federal government!

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchiled

@fightingcocks If you’d care to open a history textbook, you’d see that not only

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchiled

@fightingcocks a) was my financial reform so good and solid that Jefferson's own Treasury Secretary couldn't find a single fault in it, but

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchiled

@fightingcocks b) I had basically left it on automatic, so all Jefferson would have had to do was leave it alone and it would fix itself.

 

 _Alex Hayley_ @hasneverchiled

@fightingcocks The fact that he managed to butcher even THAT escapes my understanding.

OoOoO

James didn’t like the way this was going. Not that this Hunter Jackson asshat didn’t need a solid tongue (or thumb, really) lashing, but Parker was getting a bit too into it, and it seemed to be taking its toll. Parker was snappier and more stressed and on edge than usual, and James had found him multiple time with his nails dug so deep into his arm that it was drawing blood.

 

“Maybe you should stop,” Jemmy suggested, “I think you’ve made your point, sunshine.”

 

Parker rolled his eyes. “It’s _fine_ , Jemmy. I promise. I’m okay.”

 

“The blood under your fingernails says otherwise,” James pointed out dryly. Parker bit his lip and looked away.

 

“It’s nothing. Just… It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it, darlin’.”

 

That didn’t stop James from worrying.

OoOoO

 _Hunter Jackson_ @fightingcocks

@MacAndMemes Besides, none of that makes him a bad guy. He just made some mistakes. You can’t blame him for being human.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fightingcocks HE OWNED FUCKING S L A V E S

 

 _Hunter Jackson_ @fightingcocks

@MacAndMemes So did basically everyone else back then!

 

Alex Hayley @hasneverchilled

@fightingcocks I didn’t.

 

 _Parker Jones_ @MacAndMemes

@fighting cocks He was a fucking rapist. Shut the hell up.

OoOoO

James could immediately tell something was wrong. One moment, Parker was sitting next to him, obviously angry but still more or less relaxed. The next, he went stiff as a board, shaking as he drug his nails across the back of his hand, over and over and over until he drew blood, staring at his hands without really seeing them.

 

“Parker? Parks? Sunshine, what's wrong?” James asked as he took both of his boyfriend's hands.

 

Parker just shook his head rapidly, eyes glazed and vacant and brimming with tears.

 

“No no no no no no no,” he mumbled over and over. “Please don’t. Just-- stop.”

 

James recognized this and sucked in a breath. These sort of flashbacks weren't exactly _common_ , but, unfortunately, they weren't the rarest things in the world.

 

“Parker? Can you hear me?” James asked. Parker’s lack of reply spoke volumes. “Shit shit _shit_ ,” James said under his breath. This had all happened so quickly. Usually, he noticed if things were going bad.

 

James held both of Parker’s wrists in one hand (a feat, seeing as Parker’s hands were so much larger than his own) and placed the other hand on Parker’s cheek. “Parker? Sunshine, love, come back, okay? It's okay. Your name is Parker Jones, you’re fifteen, it’s 2017, and you’re at your house in New York City. Everything is okay,” he said as calmly as he could, “I need you to come back, alright? I need you to look at me, Parker,” he repeated his boyfriend’s name, hoping to be able to ground him in the how through that. “Can you do that?”

 

Parker didn’t react. James pressed one of his hands underneath Parker’s chin, tilting his head down so that their eyes met. “Parker Jones, focus on me,” he ordered. “Count with me. Name five things you can see.”

 

James didn’t think it would work, seeing as Parker had seemed to zone out completely, but, to his surprise, his boyfriend opened his mouth. “Lamp. Poster. Pillow. Clock. You,” he rattled off obediently.

 

“Good,” James rewarded him with a gentle smile. “Four things you can feel?”

 

“My shirt. The bed. A blanket. Your hands.”

 

It didn’t escape James’ notice that his sentences were getting longer. Good. Progress was good. “Three things you can hear?”

 

“The clock,” Parker said dutifully. “Charlotte’s music. Your voice.”

 

“Two things you can smell?”

 

“Burned cookies from downstairs. Your cologne.”

 

“One thing you can taste?”

 

Parker blinked twice, causing a few tears to roll down his cheeks and drip onto James’ hand. He leaned in a little, but paused, biting his lip.

 

James understood and closed the gap, pressing his lips gently against Parker’s for a few seconds.

 

“You,” Parker whispered after they parted.

 

“Good,” James said, kissing Parker’s cheek. He still didn’t release Parker’s hands. “Can you tell me what happened? Would that be okay?”

 

Instead of speaking, Parker wordlessly handed him his phone, where his most recent tweet was on stark display.

 

Jemmy skimmed the text. He drew in a sharp breath. “I see,” he said shortly.

 

“I’m sorry, Jemmy, really, I am--”

 

“Shhh. I’m not mad, Parker,” James said. This was a partial lie. He _was_ mad, just not at the boy in front of him.

“But you told me to stop, and I didn’t, and then--”

 

“Nuh-uh. No. None of that, okay? It’s okay,” James reassured, kissing Parker’s forehead. “It’s _fine_. I’m not mad at you.”

 

“Are you sure?” Parker asked quietly.

 

James snorted. “One-hundred percent. I love you,” he said.

 

“I love you too,” Parker whispered back.

 

The two boys curled up in the bed, and James stroked Parker’s hair until Parker fell asleep.

OoOoO

 _James Matthews_ @JemmyJamesM

@fightingcocks Do you have nothing better to do than spout xenophobic opinions on social media and defend racists?

 

 _James Matthews_ @JemmyJamesM

@fightingcocks Like maybe seeing a therapist about all your repressed self-hatred and your narcissistic superiority complex?

OoOoO

 _Richmond Freneau_ @goodolddays

Self-proclaimed Hamilton reincarnation @hasneverchilled teams up with friend @MacAndMemes to take down Jefferson supporters.

 

 _Richmond Freneau_ @goodolddays

@MacAndMemes seems to have extensive knowledge of the third president and appears to be closely acquainted with @hasneverchilled

 

 _Richmond Freneau_ @goodolddays

Coincidence, or evidence of a political team up no one would ever expect?

**Author's Note:**

> Does anyone have any guesses on who Hunter is??? Did you guys like it?? Please tell us in the comments!


End file.
